Lifethusiast

Setelah kembali dari Cina dan mulai bekerja, saya merasa hidup saya bagaikan roller coaster : naik dan turun tanpa terkendali. Masa kuliah dulu, saya selalu bisa mengontrol waktu, kegiatan dan hal-hal lainnya, saya merasa senang kalau saya bisa memegang kendali. Sebagian besar bisa diprediksi dan diantisipasi, walaupun ga semua. Paling-paling masalah hubungan sosial yang sering kali ga mungkin saya kontrol karena menyangkut perasaan orang lain. Nah, setelah berkerja, semua itu berubah drastis. Bukan berarti saya tidak pernah bekerja sebelumnya. Saya pernah menjadi guru privat, bimbel, sampai guru SD. Tapi semuanya masih bisa diatur dan terkendali. Kali ini, kerjaan saya sering berhubungan dengan regulasi dan birokrasi. Segala sesuatu yang sudah saya atur, yang sudah saya prediksi sematang mungkin, bisa jadi malah terbentur sana-sini dan terpaksa tertunda atau malah batal sama sekali. Kalau sudah begitu, saya merasa sedih dan keselll banged. Maklum, karakter perfeksionisnya kental...

During my internship in Pelita 2 from February to March 2013, I was being 'set up' by the secondary school principal to perform in Cap Go Meh show (Cap Go Meh celebration falls on the 15th of first month on lunar calender). And it was not just a performance. The principal would play a traditional instrument of China called 古筝 (guzheng), also known as Kecapi, one of the staff would play keyboard, and I would sing. Yes baby, SING. I have to remind you that I am a remarkable singer... in the bathroom, where the singer is me and the audience is also me. No complaint so far. When the principal asked me to perform, I was like, "Hell NO..!" There is no way I would sing in front of the school board, fellow teachers and students along with their parents. But he is a good persuader, so I said I would try to rehearse. In the end, it was not a trial, it was a confirmed performance, and there was nothing I could do to turn back.

I have dreams. Lots of dreams. Dreams that I often afraid I would die without having any chance to make them come true. People often says to set our dreams higher and higher and higher. But what if we are not able to reach them? That's why we make plan A, plan B, plan C, and so on. But what if those plans are just crashing one to another? We end up with nothing. I have dreams. I dream big. I make plans. I make lots of back up plans. Everyday, I tell myself to dare to dream big and be stronger enough to embrace the worst result. Sometimes I cry because I want them so badly but all doors seem to close down before me. But as Katy Perry says: "Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open one that leads you to the perfect road", I believe in true nature. Everything happens for a reason and that reason is what's gonna build the way we are in the next moment. Whether we'll be better or worse, and whether we'll be able to reach our dreams...