Written on Saturday, June 30th 2012
When I first touched down at Fuzhou, I never thought it will be this hard to let my friends go back home. I never thought that I'd be loving Fuzhou and so attached with my friends, especially Madina and Rowena. I never thought that my heart would be this painful, hard to breathe, suffocating and weeping like a baby. I never thought that I wouldn't stop crying, avoiding heading back the dorm that reminds me of them, hugging the pillow and blanket just to feel her smell, feel so sick like I wanna throw up all the time.
Please tell me why. Why could I be like this? I used to be a solitaire, independent, alone. But look at me now. I'm lost without them. I'm so scared to face those hypocrite people without them, I'm scared I would collapse facing challenges without them. They used to be my strength, my fire, my guide, my light during the darkest moments ever happened here in Fuzhou. It hurts so bad that I've become so scared and so sick and so sad all at the same time. I really want to go home soon to release me from this pain. Probably seeing my family and meeting my old friends will help me to ease the pain.